Six Degrees of Anxiety

Yesterday had to be one of the shittiest days I’ve experienced in a while. I was at an all time low that almost catapulted me into a fit of hysterics. With Friday’s show so close to arrival I hit that point of anxiousness where suddenly you think nothing will go right and everything will blow up in your face. My friend came close to bailing on me, seating arrangements were becoming incoherent because of additions and subtractions, to print or not to print VIP passes to Via, who is going to end up next to me, is there room for one more, why have I lost a good friend, what the fuck is up with me feeling so sick, was I lied to during my past relationship??? My head was spinning and my body about to collapse. It dawned on me that since February I have not averaged more than five hours of sleep a night. That has to take a toll on your body and brain.

Big Jose was headed to Copa, throwing an invite my way, but I held fast to my need for home and declined. Once there I reached out to Anthony, but he wasn’t available. I seriously thought I would fall victim to the body rocking insanity I’ve experienced twice in the past when dealing with an anxiety attack. Instead, I took several deep breaths, lit some candles, played some Yerbabuena and took some serious chill time. After an hour I felt my anxiety begin to unravel and by ten thirty I was sound asleep.

With eight hours of sleep under the belt, something I hadn’t experienced in so long, I was up and at ‘em before my alarm even went off. I felt incredibly better and fresh. It turns out Anthony had called me when I was asleep, his test had run late. What I understood at that moment was that I can no longer count on him to be my crutch. I can’t really count on anyone 100%, but that’s not a bad thing. I am building a new foundation for myself and who better to rely on to make it right than me?

WOOOOOSSSSSAAAAAAAAA…

In the past month, I’ve come to realize that as large as the Latino community in New York is, when it comes to the entertainment industry we are all so closely connected it’s scary. My Boy A knows Girl A because they met at a concert four years ago. Girl A knows Girl B because they worked on a pageant together. Girl B worked with Boy B on said pageant. Boy B manages Group A who are known by Boy C who works for radio station with Boy D. Boy D has brother who leads group B who has worked with concert producer A…. And what do all of these people have in common? They all know me, or I them, whichever way you want to look at it and I don’t think it’s a coincidence. The saying “six degrees of separation” is wrong, I think it’s more like two or three degrees. Good thing or bad thing? I think it could be a great thing, you just have to work it correctly. And I believe my purpose in knowing all of these people is to bring them together for something bigger.

WOOOOOSSSSSSAAAAAA…

< end enlightening moment due to radio commercial for movie called Slither.. nasty worms getting into people’s brains … KAMAN! >

I haven’t posted in a week so you know I need to catch up. Thursday, as I mentioned last post, was another run at Camaradas. Tato and I got to chat. Brucie and Mario kept me and Candice laughing. Some dude REALLY wanted to be down with us. Another dude was trying hard to be my suga daddy- um, no thanks I’ll pay for my own beer. NEXT!

The band holds it down as always

(THIS DUDE)

Elle: (Through smiling teeth) No really you can leave me alone now.

Candice: This chic!

Elle: Come on Candice, dance with me!

Brucie professes his love to a random stranger

Caught right in the middle of a networking convo!

Silly Mo Fo’s

 Damn Dominican Photographers!

On Friday I went to check out Latinas Don’t PMS for the first time. As much as I was already aware of the talent these ladies possessed, I STILL wasn’t ready to see how funny they were in action. For two hours they performed their comedy, and for the entire time the audience continued to laugh hysterically. I watched from my box seat and smiled down at them and stood for their ovation. Afterwards I was able to hang in the green room and congratulate them. Round two, the BIG night comes this Friday – cross your fingers for all of us.

Rhina Valentin

Iris Silverio

Elka Rodriguez

Alba Sanchez

from left to right: Tomoko Otsuka, Pope, Alfredo Galvan, Iris Silverio, Inma Heredia, Elka Rodriguez and Rhina Valentin (center) – Alba was off on the side getting constantly pulled away lol.

Saturday my boy Greg was performing in a play called Comrades. His performance was excellent as always, but it’s also a good excuse to get together with friends. There were at least 8 of us, BUT I’m STILL waiting on Big Jose’s pics- HELLOOOO, you’re killing me. Why did I forget my own camera that night? Here are the couple Nicole had.

Sunday I was Italian with some friends =o).

But now I’m almost back to Thursday and you know what that means =o)))))) ….

Sometimes All U Need Is Friends (as long as they are nuts like mine)

idAnyone have a hookup at a spa cause I truly need a damn massage/all over relaxing treatment. I've been running amuck trying to confirm who is and who is not coming to the show next Friday. I've made so many runs to the front of my building to buy and sell tickets that I think the security guys are starting to think I'm hustling something else. I can’t help but be siked by the idea of getting 25 + people to spend $50 on something I truly believe in. Apparently, I’m pretty good at causing a stir. So the 31st it is, my big night: Elle J shall be indicted to the world of event planning and organization. But, before we celebrate, let’s backtrack.

During lunch on Friday I sat through a very in-depth conversation where I realized I have yet another friend who shares my interests. This friend single handedly organized a annual block party in his neighborhood to promote education and interaction with the youth in his area. Now he’s working on his own non-profit. He’s 24. I’m jealous. But, with every new realization of talent I come across I see, more prevalent, the fact that this will all come together in some great effort to change the world. Isn’t that right Pinky?

Friday night I stayed home, go figure. But, Saturday it was time to clean up house because Game Night was on the horizon. Game Night, boy do we love ourselves one of those. For those of you who don’t experience such an evening in your own homes, I’ll elaborate. On said night families and friends gather in one household to shout, scream, laugh, argue (playfully), drink, eat and crash over a game of Taboo, Pictionary or something similar. Saturday night was Taboo, the place was my house and the turnout was absolutely perfect. Ten people showed up, and ten people are still talking about that night. Instead of me going through every scenario I’ve uploaded video clips to show you one round of each person that played (I know, I’m brilliant with shit like this), also wanted the participants to see how hilarious they all were.

First up Monse and Amy… these two! I truly thought I was going to have to pull the sofas out of the living room and putting up a boxing ring. Here is Amy, for those of you that weren’t there let me prelude by saying they argue over the validity of “Siegfried and Roy” versus “Sigfried Roy”

Amy finishes and they go back to arguing. Amy’s argument is that Monse “does this all the time”. To which Monse says, “How can you know what I do all the time, we just met?” lol.. listen carefully

Then there was me and Erica, she is SUCH a clown

Now it was Erica’s turn with Stork.

Bruno is just too much for his own good.

Marjorie is a champ.

Pablo begging Erica for help, hilarious.

Nikki, the Canadian “OK”

Nicole is quick with the buzzer

Jose can’t keep a straight face

With all the screaming and stomping until after midnight I’m not sure how I didn’t get the cops called on my apartment. At least 30 beer bottles later, everyone began to head out and I slept happily next to Nicole who wanted to snore her way into dreamland. Bastard! Muah, love u! Sunday I got called out to see V for Vendetta with a friend of mine. Said friend shall remain nameless because I’m about to blow us both up by use of a visual, but it’s sort of blurry and I’m thinking he won’t be recognized. Granted we haven’t known each other long but it’s become very obvious our dressing styles are similar based on that evening. When we met each other on the Upper East Side theater I glanced at him, cocked my head and said “_____, I think we’re wearing the same outfit”. How can he have on your outfit, Elle? He’s a guy. I was wearing Converse Chucks, a knit cap and jeans with my black coat, _____ was wearing the same, but the guy version. It wasn’t until we got into the theater and took our coats off that we realized even our tshirts were similar. “What is this? Twins day in high school?” his friend who was with us, laughed. So you KNOW we had to take a camera phone pic:

Uncanny and funny as hell… Movie was damn good too. It kept me breathless and pensive the whole time. I’d definitely suggest everyone see it. (SIDE NOTE!! Nicole took me to a pet store and MADE me play with a puppy… I came within moments of buying this little girl Yorkie until I found out she was $1686 – you HAVE to be shitting me?

Monday night I was at Candice’s house bullshitting until almost midnight. WHY Candice, WHY?! Tuesday night was my company’s huge client party that we had been preparing for since returning from NATPE. It was a tremendous success and I’m still beat because of it. Wednesday was a night of dinner, drinks and talk. I hate how wine makes me babble and become emotional, but then again what better way to get to know someone for who they really are. Hmph. Thursday Candice and I had to get back to Camaradas. It’s official- it is our night and our place to hang. Pics and story for that will come when Mario gets them to me! Until then, I’m off to see Latinas Don’t PMS- but boy do we!

What I’ve Learned This Week…

#1) …that the old saying is true- you really can’t judge a book by its cover. I have a friend that is dubbed “the smartest dumb person I know”, but I’ve learned it’s all a front. Underneath the droopy eyes and “I’m up to something” smile, he has a wealth of information about a history I’ve overlooked for quite some time. I’ve spent my life (thus far) being caught in between a Puerto Rican heritage and a New York/American state of mind. I eat the food and I dance to the music, but that’s where my progression ends. I don’t speak the language (here comes the onslaught of “wtf?”s) , and I don’t really know how my island came to be beyond the stories they told me in my school days. I listened to my friend for what was probably about an hour and when we were done talking I wished my mom was around to help me start mapping out my family history. Yet another project for me to begin, but this will be one of the ones I actually come through on, promise you that tabaquero ;o).

2)…that I need to get more involved in events that have a purpose. This week I met up with a man involved with the promotions for LDPMS. Over a beer we chatted about the show, but more deeply about giving back to the community and creating awareness for subjects that go so far unnoticed people are not receiving the care they need. I was almost brought to tears, but more importantly left with the tremendous feeling that I am responsible to do something with my abilities beyond what my career will allow. So now it is my mission to surround myself with people that share that feeling and will help me help others… I’m seriously not trying to sound like UNICEF or a Hallmark card, this is me.

3)…that my cousin Candice is more my sister than my cousin. I recruited her for an evening of musical fun last night. I entered her house to the sound of “Hi Nina!” as Imani took notice of my entrance. If she gets any cuter I may have to build her a buddy carrier to attach to my hip.

Candice scrambled to get ready as I put on Toy Story 2 (or as Imani shouts when she sees the cover “YEE HAWW”) for Imani. There is something so amazing about watching her grow up over the past year and a half. I’ve never been this close to a growing child so for the first time I’m watching a personality develop and trust me she already has one. She’s well aware of her ability to win everyone over, especially her Nina who can’t stand to see her cry.
Within 15 minutes Candice was ready, she’s well aware of my inability to wait for people when I’m expected somewhere. I appreciate her for that lol. We kissed the baby good bye and jumped into my car, headed for the city. What I thought would be an easy attempt at parking in the Village turned into vehicular madness. TWICE I almost got a parking but because the Village streets are so narrow I couldn’t pull over or reverse. Ten minutes later I gave up, said “F*C* a parking space!” and parked in a lot for $15 an hour. Whatever, my dude Suozzi is worth it.
We reached the Lion’s Den where the bouncer asked me if I’d been there before. When I said “No”, he told me I had a twin who frequents the place. Apparently I’m a quadruple twin because I’ve been told that at least four times in the past couple of months.
After getting matching peace sign stamps on our hands, we entered the pub and took our seats at the sidebar. Just in time for the band, we downed a couple of drinks and watched Serial Obsession rock out. Not because I’m biased, but I actually like their music a lot.
We stayed through their set and then left to shoot uptown to what’s becoming my newest favorite Thursday spot, Camaradas. There was only one problem… which way was North? I wasn’t near any avenues and I’m lost when it comes to the Prince/Sullivan/random name streets. Luckily the garage keeper with the weird accent was able to direct me correctly and we were soon on Houston shooting East. We car danced all the way and when we arrived at 115th, Camaradas was already packed. It was so packed at the bar I thought my need for a beer would go unmet until I heard a guy tell his friend to watch his chair while he went to smoke. I volunteered my chair warming services by saying “I’ll watch it for you if you let me sit on it until you get back.” And so is how Candice and I met David, Bruce, Mario and Irvin. A very cool group of dudes that (beyond Yerbabuena’s fantastic music) kept us entertained most of the night. Candice, you remember “You work for ****?!” and “ARE YOU ON MYSPACE?” Why did they have to be so loud? Felt like I was on super blast lol. Still they were cool.



Before I knew it, it was passing 12:30am and the long day at work was starting to kick in. Candice and I said our goodbyes and headed to the car.
“You know they have a Cuchifrito place down the block from here,” Candice said.
The word cuchifrito has always weirded me out. When I was little cuchi was a reference to a female body part…now it was a reference to food. Hmm.
“What they got there?” I was starting to salivate. If I keep going out like this I’m going to gain at least 15 pounds. Once the clock strikes 11:01pm I’m hungry.
“Empanadas, papa rellena (sp?), things like that.”
“I’m on it!” And so I swung a U-turn and we did a food collection driveby. Candice had hardly finished settling back into the car when I tore into an empanada. Five minutes later there were crumbs all over my car and I was reminded of college runs to the grease trucks @ 4am. No wonder I was 30 pounds over weight back then!
“They have a Krispy Kuts here,” Candice said.
And between bites I responded, “Did you say Krispy Kreme? Where?”
Candice was in hysterics over my sudden interest. “Krispy Kuts is a barbershop.”
“Oh,” I said sadly and was instantly aware of my fat-fucked-ness. We were both hysterical laughing and I drove us the hell out of that neighborhood before I ate myself into oblivion. I love you Can! Not many can make me laugh the way you do.

#4)… that just because it’s Friday I don’t HAVE to go out. And so tonight, (for real this time) I’m just going to stay home and RELAX!

The Show Must Go On

I'm beginning to forget what my own cooked food tastes like, from what I remember it's rather good. When I arrived home from Florida a few weeks ago, I told myself that in order to save money I would start cooking for myself and bring bagged lunches to work. I've done neither. Instead I eat at my desk because I'm too busy at work, and run to restaurants for dinner because I have so many people to meet with. I'm not complaining, I'm just not used to it yet. My mom tells me I'm going to wear myself thin. I'm still young, I tell her, this is my time to do what I have to. I'll worry about the sporadic eating and bags under my eyes later...

So after that last Thursday, I ended up @ Via on Friday. Club promoting is something I'm toying with, but for the most part I will do it the nights I can incorporate it with an event like the 3/31 performance of Latinas Don't PMS. (Tickets are selling quickly, but I still have some if anyone is interested). Having been to Via twice, and with this being it's first Friday night opening, I had to call people out. What started out as a quiet night with one beer, ended up a packed house and me not being able to focus long enough to remember people's names. All the pics can be found on dnjnyc.com but here are the ones I took...

Don't you want to come? Well the party is every Friday, for more info go to www.dnjnyc.com

Saturday was going to be Game Night. I was SET on it being game night...but everyone and their mother had spring fever (70 degrees, wtf?) so in the end it was me, Pablo and a feeling woozy Nicole. Pablo and I agreed to reschedule and then I fed Nicole ginger ale and crackers. At 9:30 I got a call from the weekend birthday boy, Stephen, who told me the Seaport was on and poppin because of the warm weather. Nicole jumped from the couch, "Seaport?" Always a fan of outdoor activities Nicole was suddenly sparked with non-woozy life. I double checked on her health status, and when she proved to be fine we got ready to catch the ferry.

There is never a dull moment with Nicole around, as I've posted before, and the ferry ride was no different. She makes fun of everything and everyone and I'm sure one day I'm going to be beat the shit out of in her defense. We boarded the ferry and settled in Nicole's "special section" in which she sits every day on her way to work. I was absolutely starved and asked her where the snack bar was. She told me it was one level up. I compared the pain my highheeled wearing feet were already in to my need for food and slumped further in the seat. There was no way I was walking that far. I saw both men and women come in and out of a door that lead to a room I couldn't see from the angle I was sitting at.

"Cole? Is that the snackbar?"

"No, Elle. That's the bathroom."

Being she takes the ferry every morning, I took her word for it. But then I saw even more people come in and out of the room.

"Cole, you SURE that's the bathroom and not the snack room."

"Elle, I take this EVERYDAY, of course I'm sure."

I waited a few more minutes and when I saw a woman walk out of the room with a beer, I realized Nicole was very wrong. "It IS the snackbar ya dope!"

With a sigh of relief, I hobbled to the room, which was in fact the snackbar... but to my dismay all food was gone and there was only a line (long line) for beer. I walked my aching feet back to my seat. My stomach continued to growl throughout the boat ride, but I was distracted by fits of retardedness Nicole and I were experiencing.

Once off the boat we tried to catch a cab, but on a gorgeous night like that it was close to impossible. I started to sing new lyrics to Ne-yo's "So Sick" that went along the lines of "so sick of high heels, so tired of pain, so sick of wishing, i had sneakers on". I was becoming delirious with no alcohol in my system. Luckily a cab finally turned toward us and saved Nicole from my singing any further.

At Cabana's we met up with Stephen, Carlos, Julia, Laura and about 4 other people I had not met when hanging out with them previously. I begged the bartender to let me order an appetizer and when he agreed got myself beef empanadas. Nicole and I washed those down with some  Stackhouse (sp?) (nice combo right?) and then we were off. There was a stop at the massage chairs outside Cabanas, Laura and Julia just had to try them out.

Once the girls got their moments of pleasure we dissected into teams of 3 to hail cabs to the village. I think I was the clever one who said we should walk up Fulton away from everyone else. At least I thought it was a smart idea, but somehow we were the absolute last team to get a cab. We were dropped off at McDougal and 3rd and I was transported into some other dimension. Can you believe my ass has never been to the village at night? It was so reminiscent of Thursday night barhopping @ RU that I almost began to tear. The night was still beautiful and because of it there were hundreds of people in the streets. We found the rest of our crew and headed into the Village Lantern. Sure it was just some bar but the music was decent and before I knew it we were there until nearly three in the morning, after which we had some nasty gyros at Pita something or other, but that's irrelevant. The night was one of unexpected fun and I'll let the pictures tell the story.

 

Ahhh... good times.

And what did I do Sunday? Watch Sopranos and chill.. thank Goodness. Tony getting shot is pointless, u know his ass can't die in the first episode. Who would watch after that?

I'm off kids.

Step by Step

It's Friday morning and my head is ready to hit the keyboard, WHAT a draining week... good week though, so I'm not actually complaining. I'm just realizing that getting what I want to get into is going to take a lot of focus, physical strength and stamina... no man, it's not pole dancing! I had an epiphany this week and I came to the conclusion that there really is such a profession as networking, plain and simple I am the link that connects people, and this all ties in with event planning: TADA!

Now that we've reached that point of understanding let me back track and take you through this week I'll call "The week Elle found herself".

Monday was a late night hanging with friends. Leave that there.

Tuesday I attended a press conference for Latinas Don't PMS... (to which many women want to say "Yes we do!").. let me explain. Latinas Don't PMS is the comedic/drama performance dreamchild of Iris Silviero who I interviewed for Mija Magazine a couple of weeks back. (Want to read the article? go to http://www.mijamagazine.com/pms.htm). Iris, whom I adore for her talent, humor and overall personality, is the creator of the show that has its first performance tonight at the legendary Apollo Theater in NYC and will run every Friday through March 31st.

The show, which demonstrates what craziness and hilarity women go through while PMSing, is made up of one of the funniest groups of Latinas I've ever come across. All performers were there but one and while I want to get into detail about each of them, I'm going to save that for the followup article that will be out in May. Just know that these ladies are so talented and so funny that I wish I could make every night's performance (I just don't have that kinda $$ lol).

After the questioning subsided and the crew wrapped up, mingling broke out and I was swept into a sea of introductions that left me half dizzy, but completely elated. I spoke to someone who asked what I do... first I represented Mija, then I ran down my 9-5, then I ran down my 5-9 "well I write, I do events, I work as a link between various talent and I'm working on pubilicity for a few artists".

"How old are you?" I was asked.

"24."

"And you graduated college when?"

"2003."

"Wow, you've done a lot in a short time. I don't know many 24 year olds as motivated as you."

I beamed. I didn't mean to beam, but I did. Some people want to tell me I'm doing a lot, going to wear myself thin, but I keep thinking I'm not doing enough. I beamed again when I learned Iris had spread word of my writing skills. Apparently she's a fan and I'm honored to have her as one. It's one thing to be told I'm doing a lot because it makes me feel like a goal is being reached, and then it is something entirely different to hear that my writing is enjoyed. Writing has been my passion since I was a child, everything else is secondary. To hear that it is appreciated is mind blowing.

An hour later I was on my way downtown to try and catch a bus to Staten Island and my mind was racing. All the "links" I had made within the past couple of months started forming themselves into a linear equation. I began to make calls while seated on the bus and before I knew it I had come up with the idea to promote LDPMS in general, particularly its last show, and host an afterparty for the attendees and cast. I called my boy Jay who runs the promotion of Via on Friday nights and got to work. By the time I jumped off the bus in Staten Island I was doing that shaking thing I do when I'm excited and then BAM! broke out in hives again! CARAJO! My close friends know that ever since I went to Florida I've been breaking out in hives randomly and unknowing as to why. I'm beginning to think it's linked to my emotions because whether I'm angry, pissy, frustrated or terribly excited, I break out. So odd, but it's not contagious so relax. However, I was once again excited last night and yet didn't break out so maybe there is hope that I'm returning to normalcy.

So the promotion goes like this:

For the March 31st showing of Latinas Don't PMS @ the Apollo Theater, I have access to discounted tickets for the orchestra section @ $53 each (keep in mind those tickets are normally something like $75). This show is not just for females, I think it will prove to be a good date option. What better way for a man to tell a woman he wants to know and understand her than by taking her to see this show? And guys, if you have a mother, sister, aunt, grandmother, etc you've seen what happens to women during this time and can relate!

The afterparty will be held @ Via - 16 West 21st Street, between 5th/6th Aves. Ladies will be free all night with either a party pass that will be given out at the show or by using Elle's list at the door. Dudes $10, pass or list. 21+ a must, dress- grown and sexy, no tims, jeans in good taste.

And that's that.

WEDNESDAY I met up with Big Jose after work for some fine dining @ El Deportivo (fine for me great Puerto Rican food and cheap as hell). Let me tell you something about Big Jose... we met when I was a teeny little freshman in college and him an overpowering, massive Junior. He came to my dorm room ( that I shared with a sophmore) and said, "I'm here to take the TV". This diesel, 6" foot dude demanded my TV, of course I handed it over willingly. Later I learned my roommate had told him that his frat could borrow our TV for a presentation and I was officially introduced. From that point on we were friends and we only got cooler when we realized our personalities would never click romantically, so friends forever it would be lol. Big Jose (I know too many Jose's for me not to nickname them) grounds me when my thoughts are too far and scattered. He gives me boosts of confidence and acts like my guru. I needed a night of chat and chill and he provided that. Thanks luv! Your like fam! And yum, was the food good. Too bad I left my sweater there and had to go back and get it on ...

THURSDAY After a long, intense day at work I had to rush to El Deportivo to grab my sweater where the waitresses know me by face, know for damn sure I don't speak Spanish, but they get that I understand some of it and so they refuse to speak to me in English. Our verbal interactions are entirely Spanglish like the ones Freddy Prince, Jr. has with his grandma on his show (which I've seen like once). I raced home hoping to have enough time for a nap, but that wasn't going to happen. Ransacking my closet, I came up with an outfit, threw it on, did the hair and sped off to grab Nicole and Diana. We somehow made it from her house to Spanish Harlem in 30 minutes, I must have been booking, it couldn't be that close could it? I haven't been to Spanish Harlem in years and in those years it's taken on the likes of areas like Williamsburg where you have skyhigh projects highly populated by Latinos, mixed with renovated properties owned by yuppies. The product of such a mix is a place like Camaradas, a local bar that is as trendy as any in SoHo and yet the drinks are dumb cheap. And the music? Wow... what a refreshing boost of something different. I went there to see Tato Torres y Yerbabuena perform, a Puerto Rican grass roots band that came to me highly recommended. We arrived before the performance and were greeted by classic salsa tunes that made me wish I'd worn my dancing shoes. And then the band... straight blew me away. There is nothing that compares to live instruments, and what a hell of a band, seriously. What was just as impressive was the crowd this band pulled in. Whereas I'm used to seeing people my mom's age at such performances, the crowd was completely diverse, ranging from my age to late 50s. I loved it! We stayed through the first set while sipping Amstel and Sangria. Snapped some pics

Nicole and Diana talkin about some dude who was bothering Nicole.

Just had to give you an idea what I looked like.

Monse and Tato Torres - Bought time Monse has a different hat on.. except it's still the Mets, sad. You can hear Yerbabuena's music at http://www.myspace.com/tatoyerbabuena

We had to cut out around midnight, still had to work the next morning **sigh**. But, I have every intention of going back in and preparing with Red Bull.

NOW it's Friday.. and like I said I'm tired. Oh, my phone is ringing. It's Jay. You want me where tonight? But I want to sleep =o(. Yes, you're right, this is the life. And I have to live it. Peas.

What Goes Up...

"Yo Elle! Why aren't you blogging? We know your ass just came back from Miami, you gotta have stories!" EEhhhhh... I had this LONG blog with pics and all from the weekend before last, craziness before I even GOT to Miami... but then I got bummed out and didn't feel like sharing. I realize there are some things I feel the need to put out there and other things that I just need to keep to myself. What has to be said is that my life has changed drastically in the past few weeks. I rode this crazy train of excitement for more than a week, but the last stop was Miami and when I arrived back to NYC it was as if someone swept the carpet out from under me. Reality set in and it was a hell of a bitch. It's no secret that I am now living on my own and that the line of events everyone had planned out for me will not be playing themselves out as expected. When I got back from Miami, I opened the door to an empty apartment, dropped my bags and cried. I'm not afraid to admit that because I think it's a great form of release. The frustration, the questioning, the stupidity... just washed out of me. When I woke up the next morning I felt better about my situation and about myself. A girlfriend of mine had to do a complete 180 to rid herself of the pain that had encompassed her life, I had to do one in order to stop questioning myself and dwelling on people's actions.

I spent the weekend rebuilding, both emotionally and literally. Ikea will be the death of me... between having to round my neighbors to help me put together a couch, and then spending TWO hours putting a drawer chest together by my SELF.. I began to feel super empowered. I can do this. I WILL do this.

I was going to write a lot more, but let's leave it at that for now and I'll end this with some pics from my Florida trip. MUCH love to Ayanai, Terra and Sira who showed me such a good time during my visit. And to JL and Omar for making us feel like we have no clue how to dance lol...And Hec for listening =o)