What In The Hizzel??

It's 10:47p Tuesday night and I'm shacked up in the Hudson Hotel for the evening. What dirty deeds you doin' ,Elle? None. I'm actually here because my company held a summit within the hotel today and let us out of towners stay the night (thank god for staten island!). While my coworkers chill downstairs in the bar, I relax in my hotel room partly cursing at myself and partly reminding myself that I'm a responsible adult. See, the thing is that a) I'm slightly drunk and b) I really need to sober up enough to take my medication. Medication for what, Elle? Well, that's a story in itself...

Last night I was disturbed at 2am by a little mother fucker named Tito. First he brushed my hand and made it sting, then he kissed my lip and made it swell. See, Tito is a mosquito and Tito brought upon me a hell I had never experienced. It was @ 2am that I swatted and swung at the invisible creature near my face that buzzed mockingly in my ear. It was at 2:15am that I switched on the light and saw my adversary laying before me on the bed, dead. I smiled with triumph, but upon looking in the mirror became aware of the redness of my bottom lip. Mofo bit my lip. I waddled into the bathroom and downed some Benadryl then went to sleep.

At 6am, I awoke and marveled at how odd my mouth felt. Groggily, I walked over to the mirror and stared in horror. Anyone ever see Hitch? Remember the part where he becomes allergic to shellfish and breaks out in swollen spots all over his face? Thought it was bullshit? WRONG. That shit really happens. And it happened to me. Now for those of you who cannot stand the look of disformities, step aside please, because here is something you won't want to see.... my lip... 4 hours after the initial bite

Freaky? You damn right it was! I started to panic and called my boss. That morning was the beginning of our Upfront Summit. Our team members from all over the US were in town and big meetings were going down and I was looking like Sherman from the Nutty Professor. I told her that this was so ridiculous I would have to send her a picture message and so I did. She called me back immediately. "Elle, why does this kind of stuff happen to you? You poor thing!" I'm known for having the weirdest reactions to things that make little sense. She advised me to go to the emergency room, and after calling my mother to accompany me, I agreed.

Four hours, and millions of milligrams later, I was drugged up and passed out in the ER of SI University Hospital. My second time there within 18 months, and another $50 co pay. "You had an allergic reaction, we're putting you on steroids." Wonderful! Thank God I don't play baseball. As I left the hospital my mom picked me up.

"You want the bad news now?" she asked.

I had no clue how my day could get worse. "Shoot."

"You got a $65 inspection sticker expiration ticket."

You have to be shitting me, I grunted, took the ticket and went home.

I napped for a while longer and when the swelling reduced to a decent size I decided to up and go to work. My boss who, after finding out I was ok, resisted the urge to broadcast my pic on the company slideshow, had at least shown the pic to most of my coworkers along with the story of my pain and suffering. I appreciated this because it allowed me to excuse myself from 15 stories about why I was 5 hours late.

There were "Oh my God!"s and "How in the hell is your lip not falling off?" But all in all everyone was very supportive. We held our meetings, went to dinner, got shitfaced and most are in the hotel bar chilling right now. But me, I'm being the level headed one and going to sleep. Had enough drama for the day. Don't need to hear about crazy sex excursions. Got my health to think about....

Now that you've seen that shitty pic let me leave you of some happier times with Imani on Easter =o)