Knead to No

I have a love/hate relationship with my astrological sign. I love my sense of profoundness but my undying need to know why people do things and why certain things happen gives me small ulcers. Someone will do something that boggles me and I can’t let it go. What confuses the question maker is they take my concern for their uncertain behavior as me taking them more seriously than they want to be taken (oh god I’ve started riddle speak). The irony is 9 times out of 10 it has nothing to do with the person and has everything to do with the question. A question will form and quickly snowball into a brain sore that could quickly be solved if people could just be real.



My friend found this site called The Daily Motivator : http://greatday.com/motivate/051227.html



FOOSGRABBBAAAA....


Value in frustration

Every time you feel frustration, you have an opportunity. You have the opportunity to create positive value out of a negative situation.

Frustration is an unmistakable signal that things could be better. And though you may be completely unable to change the outside circumstances, at the very least you can change yourself for the better.

Instead of becoming mired in your frustration, let yourself become inspired by it. Know that your frustration is pointing you to some positive, valuable action you can take.

That action may end up bringing great value to thousands or even millions of people. Or it may simply be a positive change in your own perspective, which is also of much value.

Frustration is indeed unpleasant, and that's how it gets your attention. Yet once frustration has your attention, you can quickly move away from it.

As soon as you feel frustration, look to find the positive value that is surely there. And a whole new world of possibilities will open up to you.

-- Ralph Marston

Mini-me Smiles

Christmas is normally a time of year where you're reminded time and time again how fortunate you are, and while I am fortunate I am also highly stressed the **** out. I had way too much time to think about my life and what's going on in it this week. My best friend was MIA, other people I might pass the time with were doing this and that, and my family has the tendency to ask too many questions. I couldn't wait to get back to work just to escape it all. Now that I'm here I see there's nothing for me to do but sit around and think of ways to distract myself. Collecting pictures of Imani helps. She has a theraputic effect on me, it tells me that at some point my life will finally make sense and that I might be blessed with a child as special as she is.

She's really Candice's mini-me, but yesterday I dressed her up in a matching velour suit complete with Converse Chucks

Took her all around the island as well.

This is what she looked like on Xmas

Little princess.

...

There are moments in my life when things seem normal

But they don't seem to last as long as they used to... they flutter in and out like a weird dream and I'm left trying to grab a hold of them. Every action is based on the long run, but how can you get to the long run without surviving the now?

The Little Eskimo That Could

that's my motto for today .. what I went through to get to work was travel a small tundra with wind whipping at my face and frostbite threatening to reach my unmentionable areas. Thanks to my friend Jose for giving me room and board in Jersey, it was the only way my ass was getting in to NY. After a nice train ride, but brutal walk from 34th/8th to 56/Madison I'm finally here... you never know how nice NYC trains are until you can no longer smell the piss in them. I can't believe this strike- TWU I'm sorry that you're not getting what you need/deserve but DAMN people are suffering (not me, I'm just pissy). Getting off the train @ Penn and trying to get upstairs was like herding cattle. It took me ten minutes just to breathe fresh air. And the walk.. well moron that I am I walked West as opposed to East by accident for a full avenue block (equals like 3 reg blocks for u non-NYers). Once I turned towards the right direction I took a deep breath and told myself it wouldn't be so bad. And it wasn't.... for the first 15 blocks, but once I realized I still had about four avenues to cross I nearly gave up and hailed a non-existent taxi. People were walking in the middle of streets, crowding sidewalks like families of giant ants or passing by slowly in cars packed like sardines. Madness. And it continues, for how long I'm not sure. I'm "working from home" tomorrow, as I did yesterday. Can't deal with this, but it sure as hell put my commute into perspective. South organge is looking VERY nice. FOOSGRABAAAA...Some of my coworkers were very creative.. there were 3 of them and they needed a 4th to make the HOV entry into NYC. Bundling up one of their daughter's dolls, they faked having a baby in the car which counts as a 4th person. Ingenious! Helped me laugh this morning ...let me think of other things that make me smile:

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Auditions for Tricktickler L Sweetness

I guess I need to explain the title:

On Monday I went for my first ever audition. It was a VJ thing of sorts that was listed on craigslist. Off the bat I had to wonder if it was even legit, but when I arrived at the Film Center on 9th Ave, I could tell I was amongst professionals. There were four other nervous latina 20 somethings, pacing the narrow waiting room and repeating "Hey Everybody my name is ____ and I'm here to welcome you to the 2005 ESPY awards... blah blah blah". No one looked the other in the eye, no one glanced my way when I walked in the room. I was briefed on the nature of the position and then given the same passage to memorize. It occurred to me that memorizing would not be my problem, my nerves would be the thing to bring me down. Fortunate for me, unfortunate for others the girl before me was terribly nervous and screwed up continuously even calling the ESPY awards the E-S-P-Y Awards. I took a deep breath and relaxed after hearing that. When the casting director came out and asked if anyone else was ready I said to hell with studying any more and jumped up. Did I do well? I definitely didn't suck. I made him laugh and I think my personality came through which is what he said he was really aiming to get. After five minutes it was over, he told me I had a great headshot and that he'd be in touch. When I left that building I felt different, not dramatically, but just a boost of confidence. One audition down and hopefully many more to come...

as for Tricktickler... go to

http://www.playerappreciate.com/pimphandle.asp  and you'll see where that came from.

I'm currently battling a hangover and lack of sleep. Yesterday was my dept's holiday party ... aka let's all spend 10 straight hours drinking. The most fabulous time I've ever had with coworkers lol. I'm going to post some of the pics.

Pre -drunkness...

Suozzi and Kaitlin made some furry friends

If Mike was retarded enough to make the face, I'm putting him on blast lol.. (with Beetz & Such)

Beetz & Junior Beetz

Mr. Travel Man, Lee

So sweet it makes my teeth hurt

A little "happy" with Vinnie and Cat

Ok Mike you acted normal in at least one pic so I'll post it.

It was a damn fun time, one I greatly needed. Thanks for making it happen peeps.

Sleigh Ride Fun

Isaiah turns five... he gets a sports day full of fun party:

Imani is 17 months old and gets ridden around on crazy sleigh rides:

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She loved every minute of it... after she recovered from the shock.. Kidding Can! She was safe the whole time, I would have used my body as a shield to protect that child. She's too damn cute, makes my day every time.

The Stars Say...

My recent horoscopes: (this is a read if ur bored blog)
(taken from cainer.com)

Yesterday's:
Eric writes: Everything is changing and there is very little you can do about it. Or is there? Actually, you're being presented with a series of decision points, and they will safely arrive one at a time. But the first one is the most vital: that is - to remember what really is the most important to you. Then, act on it. You may feel hindered at the moment, you may sense that your feet are tied, and you may be experiencing more than a little frustration in a relationship. Don't worry, as long as you focus on what's the most meaningful, the world will turn.

Today's:
Eric writes: I am beginning to think that every last issue in the world can be thought of in terms of self-esteem and self-respect. I am aware that your life is not as simple as you'd like it to be, and that you seem to be working out certain situations that don't show any sign of giving way. I can tell you that substantial progress is on the horizon, but it will be all the sweeter if you can rise above your self-doubts and remember that if you care about yourself, it will be a heck of a lot easier for everyone else to care about you. Reality is 'receptor-mediated'. You are the receptor, so start receiving

Interesting...

Then there is the explanation of the scorpio sign ... I'll just paste the parts I relate to

Scorpios are the most intense, profound, powerful characters in the zodiac. Even when they appear self-controlled and calm there is a seething intensity of emotional energy under the placid exterior. They are like the volcano not far under the surface of a calm sea, it may burst into eruption at any moment. But those of us who are particularly perceptive will be aware of the harnessed aggression, the immense forcefulness, magnetic intensity, and often strangely hypnotic personality under the tranquil, but watchful composure of Scorpio. In conventional social gatherings they are pleasant to be with, thoughtful in conversation, dignified, and reserved, yet affable and courteous; they sometimes possess penetrating eyes which make their shyer companions feel naked and defenseless before them.

They are fortunate in that their strong reasoning powers are tempered with imagination and intuition, and these gifts, together with critical perception and analytical capacity, can enable the Scorpions to penetrate to profundities beyond the average. They have a better chance of becoming geniuses than the natives of any other sign.

Scorpio is the symbol of sex and Scorpios are passionate lovers, the most sensually energetic of all the signs. For them, union with the beloved is a sacrament, an "outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual grace.". Their overriding urge in loving is to use their power to penetrate beyond themselves and to lose themselves sexually in their partners in an almost mystical ecstasy, thus discovering the meaning of that union which is greater than individuality, and is a marriage of the spirit as well as of flesh. Their feelings are so intense that even when their love is of the highest, and most idealistic kind, they are nevertheless frequently protagonists in tragic, even violent romances, "star-crossed lovers".

HERE's THE FUNNIEST: ( apparently I was DESTINED to have Bertha)

Scorpios are prone to having these health problems:

Abscesses, boils, carbuncles, fistulas, piles, ruptures and ulcers may also affect the Scorpions.

And I thought it was just pure bad luck.

The FGF No More Credo – this one’s for you Jack Rose

now that we are no longer the fGf

we no longer need to settle

we must remember that we are hot

and stop being lost in the hotness of the man beside us

we are no longer the friend they turn to for girl advice

we are now the girls they want advice ABOUT

we're not cocky, we're confident

and in being so have a one up because

we understand what we are worth

we are strong

we are few

we are the new

breed of women who know what they want, and know how to get it

Ain’t no stopping us now

**wink**

Look I’m smiling!