I wish I wasn't...
...feeling the weight of indecisiveness on my shoulders
...considering my options to what, inevitably, is a bad conclusion all together
...letting slip away the only thing I ever truly believed in
...praying for a way to crawl into a black hole and disappear for a while
...believing that I may never be truly happy
Do I sound depressed? I'm not. I am in good health, the doc even says I'm healing so well she thinks I'll be back to normal in only a couple of short weeks. I couldn't be happier at my job, unless it involved booking Jay-Z's next concert (you know he'll find a way to have another one). I realize every day that in each of my friends lies an individual trait that is so appealing and entertaining, I don't know how my day would go by without calls/IMs/Emails from them.
I'm not depressed, I'm just sitting on a fence on a really windy day and it's hard to keep my balance. Over the last seven months it's come to my attention that the life line I had planned since I was a teenager is no longer going to work itself out. I know I'm not the only person this happens to, I just wanted to be the one who it doesn't happen to. I really wanted to be that person, and I wanted to be it with "you". Instead, I think I will have to become this new person. She's always been inside me, I just kept making her second in importance.
Readers, you know me as Elle J, and while that is only a nickname it is who I must now fully become. Elle J is the actress,. Elle J is the model, Elle J is the event planner, and Elle J is all these things before she is a wife and a mother. More often than not I have had people tell me "you're still young", and it's not until now that I want to accept that. I'm 24, educated and talented, all I need to do is let it go and let the real me come through full force and take over for a while. I have the rest of my life to give myself to someone, to my future child. But, for now I have to get myself to a place where I'll be happy with where my life is headed... and if not with "you" than I must do it on my own....
(sorry for any vagueness... I just needed some written word therapy).
...considering my options to what, inevitably, is a bad conclusion all together
...letting slip away the only thing I ever truly believed in
...praying for a way to crawl into a black hole and disappear for a while
...believing that I may never be truly happy
Do I sound depressed? I'm not. I am in good health, the doc even says I'm healing so well she thinks I'll be back to normal in only a couple of short weeks. I couldn't be happier at my job, unless it involved booking Jay-Z's next concert (you know he'll find a way to have another one). I realize every day that in each of my friends lies an individual trait that is so appealing and entertaining, I don't know how my day would go by without calls/IMs/Emails from them.
I'm not depressed, I'm just sitting on a fence on a really windy day and it's hard to keep my balance. Over the last seven months it's come to my attention that the life line I had planned since I was a teenager is no longer going to work itself out. I know I'm not the only person this happens to, I just wanted to be the one who it doesn't happen to. I really wanted to be that person, and I wanted to be it with "you". Instead, I think I will have to become this new person. She's always been inside me, I just kept making her second in importance.
Readers, you know me as Elle J, and while that is only a nickname it is who I must now fully become. Elle J is the actress,. Elle J is the model, Elle J is the event planner, and Elle J is all these things before she is a wife and a mother. More often than not I have had people tell me "you're still young", and it's not until now that I want to accept that. I'm 24, educated and talented, all I need to do is let it go and let the real me come through full force and take over for a while. I have the rest of my life to give myself to someone, to my future child. But, for now I have to get myself to a place where I'll be happy with where my life is headed... and if not with "you" than I must do it on my own....
(sorry for any vagueness... I just needed some written word therapy).
posted by Elle J at 11:34 PM
5 Comments:
Elle, girl you have to do what you got to do. It is not always easy but you can't deny yourself this chance to finally come full circle with yourself. Go on girl. Oh and no you do not sound depressed.
Rod - thanks!
Karla - gotta take deep breaths girl.. but thanks for the boost!
SO this is it....you're dumping me. :(
Well, I knew it was bound to happen sometime.
I knew you were too good to be true and that I wasn't really what you were looking for.
I won't lie this hurts.
You mean so much to me, and I'll NEVER forget all the great times we hade together (Not to mention the AMAZING sex). I 'll never find another woman that means as much to me as you do.
I'll miss you Stacy.
(Tell me you laughed!)
Jerk- totally laughed.. just totally lost you with the Stacy part lol
OH man, but that's the punchline!
See, the guy is telling her how much he loves her (you) and how no woman will ever compare, but then he blows it by not remembering her name. A typical playa flub.
Post a Comment
<< Home